Penn State (8-0) vs Vanderbilt (6-2) - June 18, 2009

It was a fateful day for Penn State Alumni athletics everywhere. Comparable events would be the grounder through Bill Buckner's legs, Chris Webber calling a timeout that he didn't have, or the announcement that Mark Wahlberg was leaving Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. In a close and well-played game, the Nittany Lions fell to Vanderbilt, resulting in Penn State’s first loss of the season.

Let‘s set the record straight. Yes, they are called the Commodores. Not only do they have a funny name, who fans call “the Dores” for short, but Vanderbilt’s team mascot was named by a brittle old dude named Cornelius Vanderbilt. FACT: Yes, there really was a guy named Cornelius Vanderbilt. Now that we got some cheap blows on the Dores, we can proceed with the details of the game.

There was quite the delay when the home team acted like their old man namesake when took their sweet old time moving the field trying to avoid the puddles. Then if that wasn’t enough, they decided they didn’t want to be sitting too directly in the sun. So finally we all agreed to play across the street where there was more shade for the Vanderbilt squad, a.k.a. "Dores the Explorers".

The undefeated Nittany Lions started off the first inning very strong with 3 runs, including a leadoff homerun by Brandon “Bomber” Shaffer, and a 2 RBI double from Cam Richardson, who ended up hitting two doubles for the day. Unfortunately, the Commodores had to narc on our good time and score 7 runs in the first inning, making it 7-3. But the real excitement occurred in the dugout when someone asked “Does anyone even know where Vanderbilt is?” To which there were numerous groans and a “Who cares,” for a response. (Editor's Note: Nashville, but it's true, nobody cares.)

It is also worth noting that the Nittany Lions were privileged to have an injured Coach Lyle show up dressed like Gordon Bombay in D2: The Mighty Ducks (where he mimics the evil Icelandic coach with the slicked back hair and fancy suit.) Come on, everyone loves that movie.

In the bottom of the second inning, Cam caught a fly ball in deep right field and sent a rocket throw to catch the runner at the plate. The runner was ruled safe. Justin “Iceman” Holtz, making a triumphant return from the DL, ended the inning on a fantastically fielded ball at the pitcher’s mound.

There was also some dispute over a tree in deep left field; any ball that hit the tree was ruled a ground rule double. The PSU sideline forever dubbed it the “BS” tree. Mike “Rubber” Band hit a shot to left which just grazed the“BS” tree in the 6th inning, which would have been a 500 foot homerun if not for the tree. Thanks again Vanderbilt.

PSU crept back up the scoreboard in the 5th. A lead-off walk by Mike Marycz and a single to left from Shelley “Stretch” Deemer led to a three run dinger by Todd “Louisville” Lechner. Let it be noted that Lechner’s homerun barely missed the BS Tree. The blast put the Lions back into the game and the Crusty Old Men began to get nervous.

Richardson gave his teammates a scare when he briefly lost the ball in the sun, but found it just in the nick of time making a great catch. Always take a step back first! Kevin “Hoover” Wagner also made a terrific defensive play at third base by barehanding a ball and throwing out the runner at first in the bottom of the sixth.

Down by three runs, Penn State made a valiant attempt at a comeback in the final inning with runners on second and third, but were not able to bring them home, resulting in a 9-6 defeat to Vanderbilt. However everyone knows the Nittany Lions would destroy the Commodores in a vicious game of flip cup or Crossfire, or even a game of Not Being Named After Old Men.

INJURY REPORT: Only one injury was reported tonight. It happened, not during the game, but during postgame batting practice, when ace utility man Andy Kilmer took a line drive off the leg. Few spectators witnessed the powerful line drive, but citizens reported they heard the shot well throughout the Capital Grounds. Put some ice on it Kilmer, you’ll be back on your feet in no time.

This incredibly biased write-up has been brought to you by Andrew “Gunship” Grinc and edited by Andy "Taking One For the Team" Kilmer.