Penn State Softball - July 9, 2009

Penn State (9-1) took on the Rutgers Scarlet Knights (3-9). FACT: Rutgers is the State University of New Jersey. FACT #2: Rutgers would never refer to itself as "New Jersey State" and who can blame them? The Nittany Lions expected to cruise against an apparently weak opponent, but would there be an upset? Penn State suffered a scare when it initially appeared as though they would not have enough women. Come on ladies, we need you to show up! FACT #3: New Jersey sucks.

The Lions were seemingly in no mood for suspense on this day, striking in the first inning. A blooper by Kevin "Kid" Folk scored Justin "Hollywood" Holtz. Adam "Phys Ed" Sheppard blasted a home run. This was followed by consecutive hits by Mark "Mad Dog's Lifemate" Morlock, Katie "American Katie" Stauffer, Mike "Cover" Band, Abraham "Honest Abe" Lincoln, George "Wooden Teeth" Washington, Thomas "Louisiana Purchase" Jefferson, Theodore "Teddy Bear" Roosevelt, Bill "Cigar" Clinton, and Steve Pavlock. A walk by Mimi Franz led to a double by Holtz and a home run by Folk. Matt "Patrick" Roy also homered. Morlock tripled. Band homered. Pavlock tripled. This was just getting silly. Eventually, the first inning ended, after Penn State had scored a ludicrous SEVENTEEN runs.

That rally was a combination of Penn State hitting and laughably inept Rutgers fielding. In fairness to the Scarlet Knights, the field was harder than the final in that 8 AM class that you didn't go to all semester. The unfortunate Rutgers players suffered several bruises from the crazy bounces. When the Nittany Lions finally took the field, they also dealt with some Astroturf bounces, but were mostly able to keep them under control. Stauffer got a grounder that took the worst hop ever, yet somehow caught it anyway. Her grab made #2 on that night's SportsCenter Top Plays.

Rutgers picked up their share of hits and runs, thanks largely to the field, but could not overcome the first-inning drubbing. Meanwhile the Lions continued to pour it on. Nearly everyone on the Penn State bench, including Andy Kilmer and Dave "Brian Pacheco" Fites, got hits. Kilmer also ended the game with a dramatic tumbling shoestring catch, which earned the #1 spot on Top Plays and a "Booyah!" from Stuart Scott.

The final score: Penn State 29, Rutgers 14. The Nittany Lions enjoyed the blowout win, but next face a showdown with division rival Maryland.

This writeup brought to you courtesy of Andy "The King of Pop" Kilmer.